Baby Loss, Grief, and the System That Forgot to Care

rjuliaday
Jun 10
3 min read

There’s a silence around miscarriage ,baby and infant loss

A hush that falls when the heartbeat never arrives.

Or stops.

Or never began at all.

And yet inside the mother, something has already begun

Hope. Love. A whole imagined future.

So when that possibility disappears…

there is grief.

Even if the world doesn’t know what to call it.

I’ve experienced multiple losses.

One of them was a hydatid form molar pregnancy a rare, deeply confusing kind of loss that left me stunned, and later, heartbroken.

The way it was handled made everything harder.

I remember the moment they said:

“It’s like cancer. You’ll have to wait a year before you can try again.”

No space for emotion. No tenderness. No acknowledgment that I had just lost a baby.

Only procedure. Diagnosis. Delay.

But I wasn’t a case file. I was a mother.

Grieving.

And not just grieving that one baby,

but all the ones I never got to meet.

Or hold.

Or name.

That’s the thing about miscarriage early or late, common or rare it leaves a hole.

One that many are told to quickly fill.

“It’s nature’s way.” “You’re still young.” “You’ll have another.”

But what about the one I lost?

What about the me that changed?

I’m not even going to describe how I felt ..at my last midwife check when carrying my eldest daughter , the 2nd pregnancy after the Hydatid Form Molar Pregnancy.

I was told that “ Your baby is dead , I can’t hear a heart beat in the womb “ this was at 8 months ..

the lack of empathy, care , was just unbelievable.. still leaves me reeling now .. the trauma it caused me was simply immeasurable .. ( thankfully I can say she was totally wrong .. emergency scan at the hospital confirmed otherwise ) some people really shouldn’t be in the job roles that they are .

Grief doesn’t follow a timeline.

It doesn’t ask if your loss was far enough along to matter.

It just arrives.

And for many mothers, fathers, families there’s nowhere to place that grief.

Especially when healthcare becomes a system,

not a sanctuary.

This is why I want to honour Kelly Wells and the incredible work that she does with her charity that she founded and heads Making Miracles. https://makingmiracles.org.uk/ her charity being Kent-based offering real, tangible support,compassion ,empathy,understanding,knowing that each journey experienced is different to the next for families going through the unimaginable.

Kelly, who I studied hypnotherapy alongside, has created something extraordinary. I feel utterly blessed to have met her.

She doesn’t just offer guidance. She creates space.

Space for grief. Space for love. Space for memory.

Through her work, families receive not just care, a path way but connection keepsakes, memory bears, casts of hands and feet. Moments turned sacred.

She recently hosted a baby loss grief webinar, I attended and it left a mark on my heart.

To anyone reading this who has gone through something similar:

You are not alone.

Your grief is valid no matter how early, how unseen, or how misunderstood.

There is no right way to feel.

There is no timeline to follow.

And there is support.

Whether that begins with me,

or with Kelly,

or simply with someone finally seeing your pain

You are not forgotten.

And neither is your baby.